Pappa wants mamma naked
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
