What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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