i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
