So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
