wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
