Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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