I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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