Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
