Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
