I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
handjob tips. give me some.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you pee in the oven last night??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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