my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
