So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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