wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize