i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
