if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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