Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
