You made me cry and you don't even care
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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