This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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