he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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