My first STD was from a foam party
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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