I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
