Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i out mim tonsoeep
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