some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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