i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
