Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
