Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
