ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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