I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
