A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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