Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
