I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
