guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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