Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
