i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
