I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
