Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
