Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You are a genius and a whore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
