First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
