hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
