Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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