Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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