So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize