RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
