so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
