i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You don't make any sense
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