i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
