I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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