dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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