So drunk its hurt
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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