Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
