If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
