i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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