Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
