how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mom said you looked used
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
