How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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