Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize