Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Say something about gay babies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
