So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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