I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
