I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
