why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
