So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
