So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
