Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize