I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize