Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Betty ford says i'm here all night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
