i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
