She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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