Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
