Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
