Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
