My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
