He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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