advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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